X
late period

31 Thoughts You Have When Your Period Is Late!

Life / posted 4 months ago / Claire Blackmore

31 Thoughts You Have When Your Period Is Late!

(And you’re not trying to get preggers, of course)

giphy-16

1. Hmm. I’m sure I should have come on by now?

2. It’s definitely been at least four episodes of Ex On The Beach since my last bleed.

3. Uh oh. I’m pregnant.

4. No, calm down. I can’t even remember when my last period was. Let’s check the calend…

5. FFS.

6. Why am I not schooled in tracking my period by now? It’s actually pretty important that I know.

7. I miss it.

8. I miss the way it reassured me that I wasn’t with-child.

9. I miss the way it let me cry about nothing.

10. I even miss the period pains.

11. Actually, don’t be ridiculous.

12. Right, think woman, think.

13. Did I put a sly ‘p’ in my iPhone calendar to remind me when I’m due?

14. No. Ok, that’s it. I’m definitely pregnant.

15. How much are tests these days? Maybe I’ll just do a quick one to make sure…

16. TEN WHOLE POUNDS. Forget it. That’s more than a bottle of supermarket prosecco.

17. The fact I know that (and am outraged by that) means I’m probably not ready to have a baby yet.

18. Maybe I’m stressed and that’s why it hasn’t come.

19. Sh*t. Maybe I’m now so stressed at the thought of it not coming that it wants to come but it can’t.

20. Damn you body and mind synchronisation.

21. I’m here for you uterus lining, come to mamma.

22. OMG MAMMA.

23. Note to self: Must not make jokes, references or other about being pregnant. It might make it real.

24. Dear God, if you give me my period now I will literally never have sex again.

25. Right, sod it. I’m driving to the supermarket and buying a test even if it does mean spending my wine allowance.

26. Did I leave the seat warmers on? It feels very warm in this car…

27. Balls. Like it wasn’t bad enough that I am now pregnant, I have probably cost myself loads of money leaving the seat heaters on (I don’t know how but anyways…)

28. What is that wet patch? Have I also left the f’ing sunroof open!? In WINTER!

29. Hang on, I don’t have a sunroof…

30. *looks at seat*

31. Oh, joy to the world! Bottle of prosecco it is then…

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Processed with VSCO with a6 preset
Life

Why Travelling On Your Period Doesn’t Have To Be A Drama

Period dramas are supposed to be all about tight corsetry and romantic whimsy, not silent cursing over those telltale cramps on your precious...

Processed with VSCO with a1 preset
Life

The 5 Most Ridiculous Period Myths We’ve *Ever* Heard

Ok, so some of these myths go back to ancient times when the idea of women having periods was an absolute shocker for society. Worryingly,...

twenty20_868a0c8a-b461-4568-89c4-68fda80ce718
Life

It Happened To Me: Coming Off The Pill Messed With My Body And Mind

Ah, you really can’t beat sharing stories to make you feel like you’re not alone in a situation – we can all identify with a...

Florence
Life

Meet The Woman On A Mission To Teach The World About Vaginas

If you’ve not already heard of Florence Schechter, she’s on a mission to open the world’s very first Vagina Museum. The science...

X