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Gifts We Wish We Got Every. Single. Month. (Instead Of Our Periods)

Period stuff / posted 4 months ago / Claire Blackmore

Gifts We Wish We Got Every. Single. Month. (Instead Of Our Periods)

The mood swings. The cramps. The monthly batch of ruined pants. Oh, how we have a special place in hell for our periods. Here are seven things we’d rather get instead of our lovely menstrual cycles every darn month…

1. Puppies.
OK, it wouldn’t be realistic to get a new puppy every single month. That would be crazy. We’re thinking more borrow a tiny dog for a day, dress it up in miniature fancy dress costumes and help it become a star.

giphy

2. A date with Amy Schumer.
We’d laugh over a glass of wine. Share a cheese platter. Put the world to rights. She’d invite us to her next celebrity party in the hills. We’re sure if she just met us, we’d become inseparable. Right, Ames?

Amy Schumer

3. Pizza.
Because who wouldn’t want a free stuffed crust Pepperoni Passion and a side of potato wedges every single month?

Pizza

4. A Massage.
Is it too much to ask for a full body massage in our monthly calendar? No, we don’t mean a five minute prod by our boyfriend with some left over E45. We want aromatherapy oils, soothing harp music, maybe even a silk dressing gown to laze around in after…

Will Ferrell

5. Candles.
We’re talking the blissful kind that cost more than your monthly phone bill. The kind that make your house smell so good you think you might be inside Pinterest.

Mariah Carey

6. Holidays.
We’re saying hell yeah to a monthly mini break with our gals. Marbella, Morocco, Madrid – we’re not fussy where as long as there’s sun and fabulous swimwear.

holiday

7. Accessories.
If your period insists on arriving, what better pick me up than a shiny new clutch or some cute jewellery. The good news is there’s no trying to squeeze into any kind of cruel waistbands, because accessories always fit. Unless your earlobes bloat. That can’t happen, can it!?

Marilyn Monroe

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